Matters of the heart

Valentine’s Day eh? Today is meant to focus on matters of the heart. But what is love? It is a very personal thing to even attempt to describe but I’ll take a stab at it.
For me love should have a choice. One should be able to walk away from a relationship at any time but yet chooses to be in it. That for me is love.
I read the other day that people who are “in love” are actually experiencing a chemical psychosis. I tend to agree with that. Infatuation is such a sick feeling and I mean sick. I remembered that I felt awful when the object of my infatuation didn’t reciprocate my feelings. One could be in such a terrible state.
I once was infatuated with my University professor. I was 21 and he was in his mid 30s, smart and confident. He also started greying on his temples and that just made him more desirable to me. Anyway, one Christmas we had our annual kris kringle and I begged and cajoled the person who was in charge of distributing the names to give me his so I can shower him with little presents. She relented and I spent two weeks bombarding him with childish presents--a bar of soap, candies, etc. I think he didn’t take kindly to the soap. He said looking bemusedly at the bar of soap, “is she trying to say something to me?” I didn’t have any idea what men liked or didn’t like. Of course he didn’t know I was the culprit so when he made that comment I wished the ground would open up and swallow me alive! After the Kris Kringle he offered to take me out to lunch as a treat. I was excited beyond words. In fact I didn’t know what to say or do. I remembered sitting in his car very conscious of the fact that he was so sophisticated and I was simply naïve. He vigilantly made conversation while I was simply speechless. I was totally infatuated with the man and there was nothing I could possibly do about it. During that crazy time my boyfriend was relegated to the sidelines as I found him too childish--haha! He didn’t have a chance! I would always remember that part of my university life as a time of unrequited feelings and inadequacy. I am so glad my professor handled the situation with such aplomb. He didn’t encourage me nor did he insult me in any way. If ever I see him again I would thank him for not laughing at me.