Health warning

I had asthma since I was two and because of that my childhood was a miserable time. I remembered praying so hard because I could feel an attack coming. I learned to bargain at an early age. I promised to be good, I even promised to be a nun if I do not get sick, but I got sick anyway. So much for holding on to blind faith.
Anyway, the advent of inhalers dramatically changed my life. I was eight when I was first introduced to inhalers. For me it was like magic. One moment you’re almost sure of dying and your body just couldn’t cope with the lack of oxygen and the next minute you could actually breathe.
I was constantly teased and taunted about my asthma and I felt so guilty about being sick all the time. How I managed to get grades good enough for me to enter the University of the Philippines was beyond me.
Asthma defined my character. It explains my cleanliness, need for control, dread of emotions and confrontations and probably my need to achieve. I’ve always wanted to prove my worth and not remembered as a sickly child.
I guess that’s the reason why I have no interest in sports. I am no good at it and my health has always been an issue. If I cry, I get an attack…hence I avoid crying at all costs. Emotions and stress could prompt an attack and I am in constant check of these things.
The one thing I managed to defy so far is keeping a dog. I cannot imagine life with my Sam that I am risking a bit just by having him around. Poor dog, he has to bathe every week though. I reckon he’s the cleanest dog in the block!
I am allergic to alcohol, hence I am teetotal. I abhor cigarettes and smoke. I am a clean fanatic and a control freak. I felt I needed to in order to survive.
Recently, my asthma flared up real bad. Today, I conceded defeat and called the clinic for an appointment with the Asthma Nurse and requested a flu jab. I was scheduled to see the nurse on 12 November but I managed to get in for my flu jab on Thursday. So far, I have been managing my asthma with combined therapy (preventer and reliever)- that’s low dose inhaled steroids and the usual Ventolin as reliever. Recently, I think I picked up some sort of lung infection that I managed to stave off. I haven’t been really ill but I haven’t recovered fully from this asthmatic cough, you know what I mean. The thing is I wake up at 4.00am wheezing. That’s everyday! I have dark circles under my eyes and I feel incredibly tired. On Saturday, while moving about the furniture I felt an attack coming on so I took a puff from the inhaler…but it made me feel vulnerable again.
The weather isn’t helping. It’s a good thing my boss is quite sympathetic and they take asthma seriously here in the UK. There are around 1500 deaths yearly from an acute attack. I do not want to be a statistic!
The doctor did advise me to prevent any upper respiratory infections. The last major one I had was when I came back from my visit to the Philippines and I contracted pneumonia. Since then I’ve been trying to manage this blasted disease. I feel slightly depressed because I know I am doing everything right to make myself healthy. I do not drink or smoke, I go to bed early, I eat properly and now I’m even exercising but I am still struggling! It is so unfair! My health has always been dodgy. I just hope as I get older it does not completely deteriorate.
On the brighter side though, I cope pretty well during the day but I feel absolutely shattered by 4.30pm. I just hope I would be able to successfully manage this disease. I accept there’s no cure for it. What I cannot accept is it hindering me from having a fulfilling life.