Peculiar turn

I had a peculiar experience last night driving home. As I left the A30 for the A35 in Honiton, I discovered that a wide bodied open lorry transporting huge excavation equipment was holding up the traffic. I mean it even had its own police convoy. We were all doing 30mph which will otherwise be 60mph. Luckily, I was listening to my new compilation CD made by Hubby and I was trying to relax. The A35 is a single carriageway and there are only two places where it is safe to overtake. I decided to sit it out. I wasn’t feeling all that great and the fading light didn’t help.
Anyway, there I was behind the wheel listening to Eva Cassidy’s heartfelt rendition of “Over the Rainbow” when suddenly--and I mean suddenly without any warning whatsoever, this overwhelming feeling of utter desolation, sadness and grief came over me and I started to sob! Have you ever tried crying while driving in a winding road? I didn’t have my tissues nearby and I was wearing my leather gloves which made it a bit hard on my eyes when I tried to wipe them. I didn’t know where it came from. It was like a cold, dark spirit invaded my body and mind. It was terrifying because I suddenly understood why people commit suicide. The hopelessness, the pain and sorrow was too much to bear.
I couldn’t wait to get home and shake the black, oppressive mood that swamped my mind. As I opened my front door, I was greeted my exuberant dog Sam. Hubby was there and slowly I felt the mood leave me. I quickly took medicine for my aching sinuses (I had the worst case of sinusitis yesterday). Hubby kindly offered hot miso soup to help me relax and we talked about my peculiar “turn”.
Was it simply physical exhaustion that spurred that turn? I have been having such a heavy week of staff assessment and long team meetings. I also have a bad bout of insomnia to boot. Last night I had to go to bed early (the meds make me groggy) but woke up at 1.00am. Do you think I can sleep after that? No way. I crawled out of bed at 6.00am, drove to work like a zombie and here I am back where I started yesterday afternoon--behind my desk. And guess what? I am totally shattered and all I want to do is sleep. This is pure hell.